Michael Boyden hails from Wysteria, Maryland, where all the men wish they went to the gym more often, all the women are trying too hard, and the children are decidedly middling. But Michael kids. After an unremarkable childhood, he found his true purpose and calling during an internship with a gourmet chocolate importer in Baltimore, and thus a wannabe Wonka was born. Since graduating from college, he has made a depressingly moderate living from selling his loud mouth to various publications and production companies. He enjoys claret, Pink Martini, and short walks to the bar. He’s delighted, nay, simply thrilled that you’re here.